Sunday, September 28, 2014

injaynesworld it's "The Fix-Up..."


Was it a blue jacket with a gray-and-red striped tie or a gray jacket with a blue-and-gray striped tie?  Scanning the bar area, Sarah saw only young men dressed in leather. 

She made her way across the room, slid onto a barstool and ordered a Jack Daniels neat, something else she’d never done before the divorce, but had always liked the way it sounded when uttered by self-possessed women on TV. 

Maybe he’d said Luke’s on Fifth near the bay and here she was at Duke’s on Fifteenth.   

Freud said there are no mistakes… or was that Jung?


From this week’s Five Sentence Fiction prompt “confusion.”


Tuesday, September 23, 2014

injaynesworld it's my "Sanity Maintenance..."


You awaken to a world pressing in on you for attention.  Your mind speeds ahead before your bare feet even touch the floor.  But for him, you would dive back under the covers.


Turning down the dusty driveway, you pull up to the red, shed-row barn where he stands in his paddock under the shade of a tall Eucalyptus tree, his long neck low and relaxed as he drinks deeply from his water trough.  You step from the car and before you can make a sound his head rises, quickly turns in your direction, ears alert to your presence.

“How’s my handsome boy today?”

His nostrils flare open and shut at the sound of your voice and he moves towards the door to his stall, his muscles rippling beneath a gleaming coat the rich color of dark cocoa beans. 

Standing nearly 65 inches at the withers, your own slight, five-foot frame is not even tall enough for you to see over his long back. Yet every day, in trust and faith, you climb onto that back always marveling that he will permit you do so. 

He sticks his head out the top of his stall door, watching you approach. You kiss the soft spot at the front of his nose and breathe lightly into his nostrils, mingling his breath with your own and your heart swells with love.

Nuzzling your pockets, he nickers softly, seeking the treat he knows you have brought him; a carrot, half an apple, or maybe a cube of sugar.  He gobbles it down and greedily nudges you for more as you reach up to slip the halter over his massive head. You fasten the buckle, then run your hand down the side of his neck, as soft and slick as satin, give him a pat, and lead him from the stall.

Outside the barn gate your world continues with all its demands, but for now you are in his world.


What's your sanity maintenance?

Monday, September 15, 2014

injaynesworld "Are You Fucking Kidding Me Edition..."


Urban Outfitters, are you fucking kidding me?

A fake vintage Kent State sweatshirt in a blood-spatter design?    



What’s next?  Columbine baseball caps with bullet holes?   Maybe Sandy Hook backpacks complete with dead child doll?  And when’s the UC Santa Barbara version available?

I was around at the time of Kent State.  I watched the images play out across my black-and-white TV screen and felt the horror of seeing the U.S. government turn its guns on children.  I feel the shock and pain of it to this day.    

But you know, I have to thank you.  Just when I was afraid that I’d become numb to the ugliness of the world, that I’d lost my humanity and with it my ability to feel outrage anymore, you come along with your insensitivity to the countless families who have lost loved ones to hideous, senseless gun violence and show me that I am still capable of feeling shock and disgust. 

Whether perpetrated by mental deviants who walk among us or by those charged with serving and protecting, the National Guardsmen who fired on and killed those four innocent students at Kent State in 1970 and the police responsible for the murder of Michael Brown, such tragedies should be marked with tears, not souvenirs. 

And to the dirtbags who actually bought this sweatshirt?   Are you fucking kidding me?! 


Update:  Urban Outfitters has issued this statement:  "It was never our intention to allude to the tragic events that took place at Kent State in 1970 and we are extremely saddened that this item was perceived as such … There is no blood on this shirt nor has this item been altered in any way. The red stains are discoloration from the original shade of the shirt and the holes are from natural wear and fray."

Yeah.  I buy that…


Wednesday, September 3, 2014

injaynesworld we're "Ready for Takeoff..."


Clara settled into the first-class seat and closed the shade on the land they were about to depart.  She shook a single ten-milligram pill from its container and tossed it to the back of her throat as the stewardess handed her a glass of Chardonnay.  Tipping it to her lips, she washed down the pill, then handed back the empty glass and pulled the blanket up around her neck. 

“If we’re about to crash, please don’t wake me.”

And no one did. 

Monday, August 25, 2014

injaynesworld "Shop Early!"


It’s almost September, and even before the candle melts in your jack-o’-lantern, retail shops everywhere will be shoving Christmas in our faces and screwing Thanksgiving out of its rightful due.  I rail against this every year, but it’s like pissing into the wind.  So this year, I’m saying screw it.  If you can’t beat ‘em… well, you know the rest.

Merry Christmas, everyone!  

Does your gift list seem to grow every year while your wallet stays the same?   I've got the answer.  




It’s called “Suitable for Giving” for a reason.  

Making the Christmas party rounds and need a hostess gift?   Book clubs, garden clubs, office parties!  Be the most popular “Secret Santa” at your AA meeting! 

Best of all, at only $8.99, my little book is cheap and funny.  A gift doesn’t get any better than that.   

Check out the 19 5-Star and one 4-Star (you know who you are) reviews on Amazon!

“Hilariously brilliant book.”

“I want more!”

“Witty and bright!”

“Love this book!”


And I didn’t even sleep with any of these people!

“Suitable for Giving: A Collection of Wit with a Side of Wry” is the fail-safe gift for absolutely everyone.  You can’t possibly fuck up.  Even those people who are impossible to buy for will compliment you on finally getting it right. 

Buy now!  Buy extras!  Don’t be caught again this year by some asshole who buys you something and makes you feel like a douche because you’ve got nothing for them. 

Seriously.  Buy now.  I’ve got rent to make.   

  
CLICK HERE TO BUY
 Ho! Ho! Ho! 
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