Monday, July 6, 2015

injaynesworld it's our "Quest for Immortality..."


Sarah Winchester, heiress to the Winchester rifle fortune, believed she could buy immortality.  The Winchester Mystery house in San Jose, California, is the embodiment of that belief.  The elaborate mansion with its doors that open onto walls and staircases to nowhere was never designed to be functional.  It was designed to simply grow for it was Sarah’s belief that as long as carpenters were hammering and sawing away, which they did 24 hours a day, seven days a week, she would never die. 


She was wrong, of course, but that hasn’t stopped me from forming my own belief about achieving immortality.

Books.

Judd Apatow, TV producer and author of “Sick in the Head: Conversations about Life and Comedy” recently stated about his own obsession with books:  “I seem to think that buying them is the same as reading them.”  He misses the point.

Maybe it’s because I’m in those blurry years between middle-age and old age (kind of like a tween - too old for toys, too young for boys – but with wrinkles), and starting to see the “exit” sign up ahead, but I’ve been thinking more and more that I’d like to stick around, like for a long time.  So I buy books.

Here’s my theory:  As long as there are unread books by my bedside, I will not die. 

To that end, I buy more books than I will ever have time to read and, when I see that I’m catching up, I buy still more.  They’re all wonderful books and I have every intention of reading them and, if my theory proves true, I will.   

With the advent of e-readers, it’s so easy.  While I love the feel of physical books, and I buy those, too, I have limited space in which to store them, but my reader holds the next potential 100 years of my life in its digital heartbeat.  I keep it plugged into the charger 24/7.  Much like Sarah Winchester’s belief that if the sound of carpentry stopped so would she, a dead battery could prove, well, deadly.

“The ravings of a crazy old woman!” you might say.  But we’ll just see who lives the longest, won’t we?

Friday, June 26, 2015

injaynesworld we celebrate "Marriage Equality..."


This little blog has been mighty quiet lately, but I could not miss out on celebrating with not only all my gay readers, but all who believe that the freedom to marry the person you love is a basic civil and human right.  Today the Supreme Court declared it to be so.   Yes, the Court that has gotten so much wrong finally pulled something right out of their asses not once, but twice in one week!   I think we all owe a debt of thanks to Ruth Bader Ginsberg for staying alive, alert, and her bad ass self. 

But enough of politics.  Today I removed the white knot image that says “I support marriage equality.”  As Ariana Grande puts it, “I got 99 problems but you’re not one.”  And make no mistake, we still have a crapload of inequality in this country, but today legalized bigotry against our gay friends, parents, brothers and sisters is no longer one!

Now will someone please invite me to a gay marriage ceremony.  I’m not getting any younger, you know!

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

injaynesworld it's the "Lit Bulb Festival..."


And look who got invited to the festivities!

I’m so stoked to have my story “Together” chosen as part of Lit Bulb 2015. Find the festival's full program here:   http://litbulbfestival.com/2015-festival-programme/ 


                                                    Together

Our proper clothes lie under a pile of leaves in the conclave at the foot of a tall pine, abandoned along with every other stitch in the thread connecting us with our past. 

We pull on the trousers, shirts and boots of field hands hidden there days before, tug caps low over our eyes, covering our newly-shorn heads, just two more boys among the many who walked these roads anonymously from town to town.

“Brothers” we will tell anyone who asks as we make our way far from the families who would keep us apart, and later “sisters,” orphaned, alone… spinsters in years to come.

We rub dark, damp soil on our faces to hide our smooth cheeks.  Only our hands betray us; soft and white, unmarked by the labor we now seek to survive.  I take hold of her fingertips, bring them to my lips, then silently we step forth into the unknown. 


Tuesday, May 12, 2015

injaynesworld "Bite Me... A New Recap"


… and other tales of woe.

I thought I had pretty good street cred in the spider world. 

Stuck in my house due to your own poor sense of direction?  I will cover you with a plastic ice cream container kept handy especially for this use, gently slide a piece of cardboard underneath your delicate legs, and release you into your natural habitat.  I’ve been saving the lives of spiders since I became a country girl in 1994, certainly long enough to have gained some redemption for the many that drown in a puddle of Raid at my hand during my city years. 

One.  Would.  Think.

On Thursday, I developed flu-like symptoms:  Chills, fever, aches and pains.  But it wasn’t the flu.  And it wasn’t a cold.  I was left to toss back Advil and hot tea, and wonder WTF?  On Saturday, still feeling like crap, I discovered what appeared to be a bullet hole in my ass.  Right upper cheek.  But it wasn’t a bullet hole.  Some stealth s.o.b. arachnid, likely when I was asleep, chomped down and then injected me with enough venom to make me his fucking bride.  So far I have not developed an appetite for flies or sprouted additional limbs, but I have brewed up some venom of my own toward the species that, heretofore, had been on the receiving end of my benevolence.  Today I saw a spider cross the kitchen floor in front of me.  I stepped on him and then left his squashed carcass for his friends to find.  Let the word go forth!   You enter my home at your peril.

***

Here’s something to smile about.  George "Murderous Psychopath" Zimmerman got shot this week when he waved a gun a another driver during a road rage incident.  Nice to see him on the receiving end of a bullet for a change.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t fatal so he'll likely be set loose once again.  Where's ISIS when you really need them? 


***

By now you all know that Tom “Overinflated Ego” Brady was outted as one of the prime instigators of “Deflategate.”  Apparently, Brady doesn’t have the balls to play fair.  What an asshole.  For a punishment he gets suspended for four games next season and the team gets fined a million bucks.  Big deal.  So he’ll sit it out on his yacht with the missus.  How about stripping the entire team of their Super Bowl championship and the paychecks that came with it?   On the other hand, this is the NFL.  What more should we expect? 



Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be football players.


***

Obama gave the okay to Shell Oil to start drilling in the Arctic Circle.  Yep.  The same folks responsible for these headlines:




Shell Oil Spills Nearly Doubled In 2011




There’s truly no hope, people. 

***

And just when I thought things were looking up with the discovery of the Netflix comedy “Grace and Frankie...” 





 
I learn that Paula “Could She Be More Vapid” Abdul is replacing Mary “Hot Tamale Train” Murphy on “So You Think You Can Dance,” one of my favorite shows.

I hope a spider bites her on the ass.  

***
 
But I couldn't leave this post on such a negative note.  It was, after all, Mother's Day this week and moms rock! 












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